| I DON'T KNOW |
[08 Jul 2006|10:50am] |
new journal.
emma_azing
add it cause i'm done with this one.
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| T W O - H U N D R E D - F O R T Y - T H R E E |
[29 Jun 2006|09:37am] |
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Brandi Carlile - Hiding My Heart |
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I almost lost my mom yesterday.
They had to put her under to do her liver biopsy and she almost didn't wake up.
I can't even explain how I feel right now.
Thank god she woke up. I don't know what I would have done if she didn't.
The doctor said he hopes they find out what's wrong from it because her liver doesn't look good.
I froze my hours at school.
I'm really having a hard time dealing with this.
Thank god for the BF.
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| T W O - H U N D R E D - F O R T Y - O N E |
[31 May 2006|01:26pm] |
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crushed |
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Silence |
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Ok so as some of you, close friends, know... my mother has been fighting off cancer for the past few months.
I never really write about it, but today I feel the need to inform people.
My mother is the strongest person I know.
When she met my dad, she had 3 months to live and they've been married for 26 years.
My mother was taking Chemo pills for about 4 months.
After a few months she started getting sick and throwing up all day, yet the doctor told her to continue them even though she wasn't supposed to throw up from them.
She kept it up for for a few more months, just to find out from her doctor who told her to keep taking them, that they had turned toxic to her when she had started throwing up.
My mother wakes up every single morning knowing that the day ahead holds nothing but pain and constant vomiting.
He then gave her shots to take daily.
After about a week of that, she started getting rashes where she was taking them and getting really sick from it.
I had to take her to the ER because she hadn't stopped throwing up for more than 20 minutes in a 12 hour period.
Her doctor avised her to keep taking the shots.
She decided to take one more shot.
Her leg swelled up. It turned bright red and was very hot.
She stopped after that.
She went to another doctor and they took 5 stomach biopsies.
She has to get 3 more done.
The doctor wants to talk to her about the results privately in his office, which is not a good sign.
Yesterday she had to go to the doctor to get even more tests run.
They had to take 16 large viles of blood and 2 little ones.
Once again, my mother is the strongest person i know.
I came home on Saturday night to find out that my mother had written out the songs for her funeral.
My heart broke.
She's finially starting to give up the fight.
After months and months of waking up every day know that all her day would consist of was constant vomitting and pain and suffering, she finally doesn't want to hold on anymore.
As most of my close friends know, I didn't really get along with my mom until recently.
We constantly butted heads and were always fighting.
We just recently started to get close the past 6 months.
I know she probably isn't going to make it this time.
I know she's losing this fight.
I know that and I wake up every day knowing that, but I try to have faith that she will make it.
The more I realize she probably won't, the more it hurts because I know that I could have had so much more time with her being on good terms if I would have just opened my eyes.
I love my mom very much.
I always have, depsite my constant remarks of hate.
On Monday evening I went to my mom's room and I laid in bed with her and talked.
I broke down and told her she can't give up the fight.
I know how hard every day is for her and I know how painful the fight is and how she just doesn't want to do it anymore.
I begged her to not give up.
I started crying.
I don't honestly remember the last time I cried in front of my mom.
She say's she's not going to give up, but when she wrote out the songs for her funeral it was a sign that she was.
I don't know why I'm writing all this.
I guess I just need to get it out.
Once again, My mother is the strongest person I know.
She is truely my hero, and my best friend.
I love her with my entire heart.
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| T W O - H U N D R E D - F O R T Y |
[19 Apr 2006|04:52pm] |
So today Jesus and I have been together for 6 months.
So fucking long for me... and I've loved every minute of it.
Seriously, best 6 months of my life.
Fuck and I've been hanging out with the Moraline boys again.
Good times for sure.
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| T W O - H U N D R E D - T H I R T Y - E I G H T |
[22 Mar 2006|10:09am] |
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So I'm alive... barely.
Started school on Monday.
Talk about drama.
I was supposed to have 1106 bucks worth of supplies the next day.
Didn't happen.
Bought just my books, but cost 540 bucks.
Got a new job.
I work with Kelly.
I like it.
I should be on my way to work in a few minutes.
I'm having 12-13 hour days.
It's not so bad yet, but I fear it will catch up with me.
I never get to see the love.
It's sad.
I mean sure, he comes over and sleeps, but I'm so sleepy that by the time he gets here I just want to sleep.
SAD FACE.
That's all.
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